She Her Brain

She clawed her nails into her neck hard enough to feel, but soft enough to avoid the ripping of her skin. She banged her head against the wall with great restraint to avoid painful and perhaps even irreversible damage. She understood the brain was a sensitive organ. Even as she fought against the thoughts that crawled within her mind, they learned to walk, paved new paths, and settled. ​

She held her hands up as if pretending to be a monster, hands tight and nearly immobile. She would tense every muscle in her body simultaneously and all together. She’d hold still in self-inflicted paralysis so she could save herself from making poor decisions. She saved herself from further injuries and from that, which she feared she would one day no longer control. 
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​She was afraid. She was confused. She was lost. She felt alone, dismissed, and misunderstood. She knew herself well enough to know something wasn't right. She was beginning to feel far from within reach. Her cries began to penetrate the walls. Her bursts of anger began to socialize. The emotions took form and verbalized into action. Though she felt shame, they were no longer shy.​

​Was this a journey into a loss of mind?

It began slowly and metastasized. She was consumed. Who she saw in the mirror, she could no longer identify. 

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by Jessica G Ferrer
​JGF February 12, 2023 8:01pm PT