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Loss is a Beautiful Teacher

10/8/2024

image of my late father, taken December 2023

Life is a beautiful journey where loss is simply part of the experience. It is a teacher. Because of it, we learn to live better. We learn to love deeper. We learn to appreciate the finite moments of this earth.

Today, I look at my father's life, and while it had its challenges, it brimmed with beautiful moments, many of which I was a part of. He left me many lessons. I can honestly formulate and verbalize the thought, I am grateful to live. I am thankful to know pain, to know love, and to learn loss.

The loss of him is too a great teacher. 

A student, I recognize I get to live and enjoy life as he did. I walk in gratitude for the steps that I take are counted and the finite possibilities of this world are incomparable to the next.

The journey is indeed beautiful.

Sincerely,
A Student of Life

JGF October 8, 2024 12:50pm PT

by Jessica G Ferrer

Life is Unfair, She Wondered

10/2/2024

I wrote I Wonder (see below) during a transitional time in my life when chaos was in search for peace. Looking back at that time and reading this piece, I feel a sense of relief. Life is not all lows and not all highs, but rather a journey of both. Life, like progress, is not linear. It advances without specificity.

This is a gentle reminder to you, dear reader, viewer, listener. Even when what you are going through may seem impossible to recover from. Even if the darkness seems to lack a spark on which you can rely on. Even if your pain has forgotten how to smile, it will remember. The darkness will be shined upon. Healing will come upon you. Perhaps not in the way you imagined, but it will transform you, and it is worth finding out. Pain, after all, is a teacher.

Many challenges we face seem illogical. Most we find unfair. Life is unfair. But then again, why shouldn't it be? Why me and not you? Why you and not me?

We are on a journey that feels rather unreasonable at times. It is nonlinear, unpredictable, and beautiful. It is a road filled with plenty. There are laughs. There are tears. There is joy. There is pain. There is sense. There is confusion. There is logic. There is not. Life, without emotion, is non-existent.

Hardship changes us. It is what strengthens our character. It is what softens our hearts. It is what prepares us to love. It is what teaches us compassion. It is what makes us strong. The series of events that occur in our lives change us constantly.

Transformation is inevitable.

So, my friend, if you take anything from this piece, remember this: Life without pain, challenges, and happenings, is merely a life at all. The difficult times will inform you. Pain, even though may seem infinite, will be interrupted by joy. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will cry again. You will love. You will be loved. You will be glad to have loved. You will be pleased to have known lives that pass on. You will find strength in transformation and it will find you. You will look back and smile ahead as the evolution of you is constant. Just as it should be.

Don't be afraid to love for fear of loss. Love in spite of loss. Live a life that is full. Allow yourself that opportunity.

I

W
o
n
d
e
r

Will I ever find myself again,
or have I broken beyond repair?

Will the weight of my heart prevent me
from recovery?

And is there such a thing?

JGF December 12, 2023 6:30pmPT

To this piece I say, you will find yourself again, but not as you were. You will have grown. You will know loss, and you will be glad to have loved deeply. The weight of a heart is a sign of fullness. The heart is full of love and heartbreak will not prevent recovery. Instead, it will inform you of your capacity to love, forgive, and evolve.

by Jessica G Ferrer

'Dear Dad,' a Poem for the Grieving Daughter

8/8/2024

My heart bleeds,
both of sorrow and joy,
for I had you shortly,
but I loved you fully.

I hold on to the unpictured memories.
I sit with the prints that nearly perfectly
tell the story of us.

I came from you.
I am of you.
I carry you in me,
and I keep you with me.

Until then, I say.
Farewell,
my beloved green-eyed man.

I love you, Dad.

JGF February 24, 2024 8:10pm PT

Don’t Hold Anything Too Closely

9/4/2023

Emotions,
like everything in this life,
have an ending.
They have a beginning.
Everything is finite.
Everything is fleeting.

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF January 29, 2023 9:44pm PT

Daunting

8/25/2023

Image by Abimael Linares

Perhaps I’ve been quixotic. To dare to dream is merely effort. To follow, to walk, to try, to work is the action. At what point does one decide to accept the truth everyone else sees but you?

Delusional has been used to define me. I must admit I don’t disagree. What could possibly be rewarded to a girl like me? I’ve done a lot, but not enough. Should I part my lips, unglue my tongue, and accept defeat?

I’ve never been known to give up, especially easily. 

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF July 2, 2023 12:37am PT

After Dark Reasoning

8/18/2023

The voices are loud,
I can barely hear my own.
They reach,
but can’t find me.
They scream for me,
but I can’t dissect
what they’re saying.
Have they lost reason
or have I instinct?
Worse,
have I both?

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF July 21, 2023 11:17am PT

It’s Time

8/14/2023

Life will surprise you
with gain
with loss.

Past is past.
Surrender.
Heal.
Forgive yourself.

You will be okay.

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF January 29, 2023 9:44pm PT

She Her Brain

7/25/2023

She clawed her nails into her neck hard enough to feel, but soft enough to avoid the ripping of her skin. She banged her head against the wall with great restraint to avoid painful and perhaps even irreversible damage. She understood the brain was a sensitive organ. Even as she fought against the thoughts that crawled within her mind, they learned to walk, paved new paths, and settled.

She held her hands up as if pretending to be a monster, hands tight and nearly immobile. She would tense every muscle in her body simultaneously and all together. She’d hold still in self-inflicted paralysis so she could save herself from making poor decisions. She saved herself from further injuries and from that, which she feared she would one day no longer control.

She was afraid. She was confused. She was lost. She felt alone, dismissed, and misunderstood. She knew herself well enough to know something wasn't right. She was beginning to feel far from within reach. Her cries began to penetrate the walls. Her bursts of anger began to socialize. The emotions took form and verbalized into action. Though she felt shame, they were no longer shy.

Was this a journey into a loss of mind?

It began slowly and metastasized. She was consumed. Who she saw in the mirror, she could no longer identify.

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 12, 2023 8:01pm PT

Mujer

5/20/2023

por Jessica G Ferrer
JGF 20 de mayo de 2023, 2:51pm PT

Hopeless

5/19/2023

Leaning in toward her reflection, she made an attempt to pull her out of the spiral she’d been under. Chaos was the narrative living in her mind. Inside there was no relief. She searched outward, but all she could hear was a stranger’s monologue, “what you need…” She didn't want to just be heard, she wanted to be helped, but help wasn’t helping. It was merely a finger pointing in another direction. One she’d already ran, walked, crawled. She looked up and wondered what she was to do next. A crush for those around her would be her relief. Avoidant, she sat still, eyes closed and hopeless.

She waited.

By Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 19, 2023, 1:28pm PT

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