Personals by JGF

Don’t Hold Anything Too Closely

9/4/2023

Emotions,
like everything in this life,
have an ending.
They have a beginning.
Everything is finite.
Everything is fleeting.

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF January 29, 2023 9:44pm PT

0 Comments

Daunting

8/25/2023

0 Comments

Image by Abimael Linares

Perhaps I’ve been quixotic. To dare to dream is merely effort. To follow, to walk, to try, to work is the action. At what point does one decide to accept the truth everyone else sees but you?

Delusional has been used to define me. I must admit I don’t disagree. What could possibly be rewarded to a girl like me? I’ve done a lot, but not enough. Should I part my lips, unglue my tongue, and accept defeat?

I’ve never been known to give up, especially easily. 

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF July 2, 2023 12:37am PT

0 Comments

After Dark Reasoning

8/18/2023

0 Comments

The voices are loud,
I can barely hear my own.
They reach,
but can’t find me.
They scream for me,
but I can’t dissect
what they’re saying.
Have they lost reason
or have I instinct?
Worse,
have I both?

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF July 21, 2023 11:17am PT

0 Comments

It’s Time

8/14/2023

0 Comments

Life will surprise you
with gain
with loss.

Past is past.
Surrender.
Heal.
Forgive yourself.

You will be okay.

Personals

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF January 29, 2023 9:44pm PT

0 Comments

She Her Brain

7/25/2023

0 Comments

She clawed her nails into her neck hard enough to feel, but soft enough to avoid the ripping of her skin. She banged her head against the wall with great restraint to avoid painful and perhaps even irreversible damage. She understood the brain was a sensitive organ. Even as she fought against the thoughts that crawled within her mind, they learned to walk, paved new paths, and settled.

She held her hands up as if pretending to be a monster, hands tight and nearly immobile. She would tense every muscle in her body simultaneously and all together. She’d hold still in self-inflicted paralysis so she could save herself from making poor decisions. She saved herself from further injuries and from that, which she feared she would one day no longer control.

She was afraid. She was confused. She was lost. She felt alone, dismissed, and misunderstood. She knew herself well enough to know something wasn't right. She was beginning to feel far from within reach. Her cries began to penetrate the walls. Her bursts of anger began to socialize. The emotions took form and verbalized into action. Though she felt shame, they were no longer shy.

Was this a journey into a loss of mind?

It began slowly and metastasized. She was consumed. Who she saw in the mirror, she could no longer identify.

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 12, 2023 8:01pm PT

0 Comments

Mujer

5/20/2023

0 Comments

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jessica G Ferrer â–¡ (@jessicagferrer)

por Jessica G Ferrer
JGF 20 de mayo de 2023, 2:51pm PT

0 Comments

Hopeless

5/19/2023

0 Comments

Leaning in toward her reflection, she made an attempt to pull her out of the spiral she’d been under. Chaos was the narrative living in her mind. Inside there was no relief. She searched outward, but all she could hear was a stranger’s monologue, “what you need…” She didn't want to just be heard, she wanted to be helped, but help wasn’t helping. It was merely a finger pointing in another direction. One she’d already ran, walked, crawled. She looked up and wondered what she was to do next. A crush for those around her would be her relief. Avoidant, she sat still, eyes closed and hopeless.

She waited.

By Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 19, 2023, 1:28pm PT

0 Comments

Depresión

5/7/2023

4 Comments

WARNING. Leer con cuidado y discreción. Aquí hablo sobre la oscuridad de la depresión.

Una mañana llena de esperanza,
de planes
Planes que solamente logré pensar,
no realizar
Porque cuando mi cuerpo comenzó a movilizar
perdió voluntad
La poca energía que fluía dentro de mí
fue suficiente para llegar a mi cama,
levantar las sábanas
y esconderme dentro de ellas
Y como una descarga de adrenalina,
un suspiro me condujo a sollozos

Incontrolable

Mi mano izquierda tocaba mi pecho
y sentía la desesperación
mientras intentaba recuperar el aliento
No sabía quién era
Me había perdido por completo
y no recordaba donde
El camino hacia atrás era oscuro
El camino hacia delante inexistente
No veía salida y me dolía el presente

Sentía la soledad en las redes
entre tanta gente
El desdén de mis colegas era evidente

La tristeza invadía mi cuerpo
Imóbil
Incontrolable

Cerraba los ojos y pedía protección de mí
Por que en esos momentos
era yo
mi mayor amenaza

por Jessica G Ferrer
personals Jgf March 22, 2023 11:36am PT

4 Comments

Simple Times

5/3/2023

0 Comments

image by Abimael Linares

As I prayed near my window and looked up I noticed the form of the clouds. The sheer brightness that allowed me to look. The unmeasured and yet perfect shape that held them up in place. What a beautiful thing. The clouds above me. I can see. It sparked a memory from my childhood.

I remembered laying flat with my back against the cemented driveway where my parents rented a home. There was not a worry in my mind. I remember the innocence, the freedom in my body as gravity pulled me naturally. I was grounded. The reason so many practice yoga for, I did without intention. A smile was simple, honest, and tranquil. The clouds were moving or was it me? I'd close my eyes and feel the shifting of the clouds. I'd open them and there they were right there with me. Their perfect unmeasured shape. Their brightness and aero blue skies right behind them and in between.

The clouds haven't changed or have they? They’re still here, with me. My innocence has escaped me, but the memories haven’t. It’s good to remember the simple times. There’s much to learn from innocence.

By Jessica G Ferrer
Personals .04 February 14, 2023, 11:07am PT

0 Comments

Friction

3/11/2023

0 Comments

image by Abimael Linares

As I elevate in my growth, mishaps occur, some not within my control. Whether or not they are, like a wave approaching shallow water, I feel defeat. Just like the waves break at shore, I do too. A broken wave returns to its natural form. It descends and again raises into a wave, sometimes larger than the last. It settles. It exists. The wave lives in reaction to its circumstance.

I’m very much like a wave changing all hours of the day, all days of the week, all weeks of the year.

by Jessica G Ferrer
Personals. February 16 2023, 7:33pm PT

0 Comments

<<Previous

Don’t Hold Anything Too Closely

Daunting

After Dark Reasoning

It’s Time

She Her Brain

Mujer

Hopeless

Depresión

Simple Times

Friction

Archives

Categories