'Undefeated'

From the iBook, 'Words, Complilated'

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Undefeated

I see the way you look at me
Judging my anxiety
I’ll look down to catch my breath
I look up and you away
Lock myself behind closed doors
but it’s hard… even then
 
You think I can control it
And yes, some days I do
Sometimes I struggle just to see the day through
 
Calling out for help?
I don’t think I can
I fear no one will ever understand
 
“How are you? How’s it going?”
Do you really care?
 
With this ongoing rapid life
I feel anguish, despair

​​I thought about ending it
Analyzed every situation
After careful contemplation
I can’t let you win”

Ending one’s life, isn't that a sin?

Now I go therapy
Pay someone to listen
Pop a pill if I must
Natural ones, the chemicals I don’t trust
 
This obscure path I keep walking on
The thoughts, they’re heavy
I run, but they’re still with me
I keep fighting it
Eventually they fade
They come back
Old and new, it’s like that one thing from the past
You choose to move forward, something happens
For a moment, you’re forced to look back
 
Hold on
This is only temporary
It will pass
 
Breathe, breathe
Choose to stay
One more day, stay
One more day, stay
 
Stay.

​Excerpt From: Jessica G. Ferrer. “Words, Compilated.” Jessica Gonzalez Ferrer, 2019. Apple Books. Dowload your free copy: https://books.apple.com/us/book/words-compilated/id1458905696

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​Jessica G. Ferrer
​writer|actor, jessicagferrer.com