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Helping a Friend Through a Breakup

7/31/2017

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Ah, relationships.
​We think they’ll go on forever until it becomes painfully obvious that they won’t. Finding, nurturing, developing and indeed losing love are all part of life’s tapestry and both the highs and the lows play a vital part in who we are and what makes us stronger, more resilient and better equipped to deal with the world. 


Unfortunately, this can be of little comfort when someone we love goes through a breakup. The loss of a relationship (even if your friend was the one who initiated the breakup) is a bereavement just like the death of a loved one, and different people will deal with it in different ways. 
Some will turn in on themselves and disappear off the face off the Earth, others will overcompensate by partying harder than ever, yet more will paint on a smile and convince you that everything’s okay when inside they’re crying. 

In light of this, it can be difficult to know the best way to help someone who’s going through a difficult breakup, but stick to these golden rules and your friend will be as equipped as possible to get over it in their own time.
Respect their process
Because people cope with the deterioration of a relationship in different ways, it’s vital not to project your own coping mechanisms onto them. You might have gotten over your last breakup by staying socially active and spending a ton of time with friends, but this may be the worst possible thing for them. If they choose to withdraw from your social group, then give them some space and check in on them every now and then just to let them know you’re thinking of them, and that you’re on standby if you need them.

Know your limits
As wonderful a friend as you are, it’s important to remember that you can’t handle all of their problems alone, nor should you try. You do neither yourself, nor your friends any favors by being a one-woman army. Besides, your friend may not be in the best position to appreciate your help at this point. You may get accused of meddling or worse still gloating at their misfortune. If this occurs, the best thing you can do is try to be a supportive friend and weather this temporary storm. If they dismiss you altogether, then sometimes the best thing to do is give them the resources that they need to cope. If, for example, they’re going through a divorce you can point them in the direction of free family law resources. This way you can help build the infrastructure for them to help themselves.

Help with the little things
One way in which you can almost always be of practical use is in helping your friend through the logistics of the breakup. As brave a face as they may be able to put on, they’re probably not ready to start moving their stuff out of a shared home. They may not even be ready to get their car cleaned or buy groceries. Being there for them by taking care of the little things may only take a few minutes out of your day, but it can make a universe of difference.
There’s no easy or right way to get over a breakup. But, by sticking to those three rules, you’ll help your friend navigate this difficult process.

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​by Iconic Chica Contributors
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Building Self-Confidence In Six Easy Steps

7/28/2017

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If you asked 100 women to name three things they’d like to change about themselves, most would wish for increased confidence. Even the vast majority who pose a confident exterior are lacking internal self-esteem, and it can be very restrictive.

Confidence doesn’t only improve the way you feel about yourself. It is an attractive trait in love, business, and virtually all other aspects of life. Confidence isn’t something that comes naturally to many, but you can go a long way to boosting yours with these easy tips. 

A more confident version of you beckons.

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1. Appreciate What You Have
Before focusing on what you can do to improve your life, you should first acknowledge the things that make it so special.

Whether it’s celebrating your best physical features, a great job, or the support of friends and family doesn’t matter. An appreciation of the positive things in your life will encourage a far happier outlook. In turn, that will lead to greater confidence too.

Most people don’t value the positives in their lives until they sit back and truly reflect on them. Make sure you do, and you’ll have a far greater platform for building greater confidence. Above all else, it’ll point you in the right direction when looking at potential changes.

2. Look Great, Feel Great
Even if you don’t like to admit it, appearances count for everything in this world. Not only will they impact the way others react to you. More importantly, they’ll influence the way you feel about yourself.

Taking care of your body with good nutrition, regular exercise, and sleep will bring physical and mental rewards. Meanwhile, choosing great looking and comfortable clothing can work wonders in many situations. Start with footwear from Billini, and work your way up. You’ll soon look and feel your best in no time.

You don’t have to be a model to cut a nice looking figure, and those small gestures will have a big impact. Do not forget it.
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3. Be Ambitious
Humans are naturally designed to want more from life. When you are low in confidence, it’s very easy to erect mental obstacles. However, achieving goals is the best way to boost your self-esteem and keep progressing further.

If you’re setting a new career goal, invest in better cover letters and resumes. Most people share other goals, such as getting a mortgage too. Set your sights on those priorities, and that drive will slowly generate a more confident figure too.

Apart from anything else, it’s better to follow your dreams rather than look back with regret. Once you start to think about what could’ve been, self-esteem will plummet.

4. Change Bad Habits
Analyzing what makes your life special is a great way to improve your immediate feelings. In terms of building a better you, though, pinpointing the things you’d like to change is crucial.

We all have things habits that we’d like to stop. Whether it’s smoking or nail biting, overcoming those problems signals a milestone in your life. Given that those issues have probably played on your mind for years, this is truly life-changing.

Removing those worst traits will make you a better person, and you will notice it. Even if you take one element at a time, increased confidence is just one of the inevitable rewards.
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5. Help Others
Building confidence is naturally a self-centered task. However, helping others is often the greatest way to help yourself too.

Signing up for charity events gives you another goal in life. A JustGiving charity page will allow you to collect funds with greater ease too. Alternatively, you could sign up for volunteer work either locally or in developing countries.

Knowing that you’ve helped people in need will give your life an extra sense of worth and validation. If that doesn’t evoke greater self-confidence, what will?

6. Rise Above Negativity
Regardless of the personal steps you take, there will always be people out there who will try to bring you down. You only need to look at Tweets aimed at celebrities to see this in action. But don’t let it knock you.

Constructive criticism can be a productive thing in many situations. However, there’s no room in this world for needlessly hateful comments. Dealing with hate, both online and offline, in an effective manner will take a huge weight off your shoulders. And that liberation will restore your confidence.

When supported by the positive moves mentioned about, a confident and happy future is guaranteed.

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by Iconic Chica Mag Contributors

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How To Deal With Harassment At College

7/23/2017

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When you go to college you’re going to voluntarily into an environment of learning and also taking upon yourself and life journey; you’ll never forget. You’re exploring who you are and the things you believe in, which will make you the person you want to be after your graduate. However, in this environment of learning and progression, you can run into characters who are far from friendly and perhaps even wish to do you harm. 
Harassment in colleges is not as common as it is in society, but it does exist. If you experience psychological abuse from somebody or perhaps even unwarranted physical contact, there are some procedures and actions you must follow to make sure you’re not suffering alone. Relationships are tricky, no matter who it’s with; your lecturers, friends, sexual partners, etc. However there are certain faux pas lines that must not be crossed, and if they are, situations can become uncomfortable and everyday life at the college, distressing.
Know the situation
The question you must ask yourself, is, are you really being harassed? Some cultures on campus can prey on women who need help or comfort, making them believe that nonchalant experiences are somehow more than what they seem. You should try and talk about a concerning experience you’re having with a fellow student or teacher, to a close friend or family member. Falsely accusing someone can rebound back on you and your credibility can be irreversibly harmed with the potential of being kicked out of the college and prosecuted. If you have expressed your discomfort of a situation to the individual you believe is harassing you, but they persist, this is a clear violation of your personal boundaries; this is one way to know you’re in the right. 
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Image by - Timothy Hale
Putting it to a stop
There are legal services on campus, which require a full report and although the court at college can take action, they are limited to campus actions only. Meaning, if you have been sexually harassed, the campus can only suspend or expel a teacher or student. This may not have a detrimental effect on their prospects of enrolling or joining another college. For proper legal actions for acts which have violated state or national law, you must contact a professional legal company. Contact someone who is well versed in education and school law, so that a case can be built using thorough investigative methods and charges brought forth on your part in an evidence-based manner. This route may be the only one possible to stop a harasser as experiences can worsen if inadequate action is taken by campus officials which allows the perpetrator to persist.
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Photo source - Gratisography
Coping with mental anguish
Never suffer mental abuse from the experience on your own and always seek help. There is usually an on-campus counselor who is there for psychological support. Going through a tormenting ordeal of either physical abuse from bullies or sexual predators can be very harrowing. So before your mind spirals, combat the negative thoughts by talking about it openly. If you cannot find solace with the university, inform your friends and family that you need help. Local authorities may be able to give you the support you need, and through their support, you can see a psychiatrist to help you cope with the stress.

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​by Iconic Chica Contributors
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Show Your Mom Your Appreciation With These Unique Gift Ideas

7/21/2017

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Where would you be without your mom? This is a question that becomes trickier to answer the older you get as she continues to support you and love you unconditionally. Your mom may have supported you through college, given you that $20 when you were strapped for cash and helped you get over your first heartbreak by listening to your uncontrollable sobs and reassuring you that you were way too good for him anyway. And now it’s time you showed your appreciation for all of her neverending love. 

Take a look at these unique gift ideas to show your mom that you love her.

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1. Get personalizing
There is nothing more thoughtful than a gift that you can personalize with a name or sentimental message. Whereas jewelry is beautiful at the all times, adding that extra personal touch with a name or message engraving shows an extra level of appreciation. Personalized jewelry made by companies like Name Necklace Official allow you to personalize a wide range of jewelry from bangles to necklaces and cover a range of budgets. If you’re after something that little bit more special, go for an 18 karat pendant. If you want something a little more conservative, select a silver piece. Imagine the delight on your mom’s face as she opens her gift to see her name on a beautiful bracelet.
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2. An Experience Of A Lifetime
The relationship that you share with your mom is special. A unique way of giving a gift to show your appreciation is by organizing an experience that you can both share. If your mom is the adrenaline junkie type, why not do a skydive together? For the food connoisseur mom, select a culinary course and have a go at producing some cordon bleu food. If relaxation is more your mom’s idea of an afternoon well spent, go with her to a spa for a facial, a massage and a dip in a luxurious heated swimming pool. Think carefully about an experience you can share that your mom will remember forever.
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3. A Weekend Away
​Ask anyone where they would most like to go in the world, and they will always have an immediate answer. While you may not be able to stretch to your mom’s dream vacation to the Bahamas, you know your mom well enough to know of places closer to home that your mom would love to visit. Organize a surprise weekend away for just you and your mom and spend some quality time together. Book a lovely boutique hotel and arrange a dinner at a top notch restaurant. Nothing shows your appreciation more than whisking her away for a couple of days to a place she’s always wanted to go.
When considering what gift to get for your mom, think a little outside the box and give her something unique. You mom is your confidante, friend, and parent and she deserves the best. Remember gifts come in all shapes and sizes so get looking for that perfect way to say ‘thank you’ to your incredible mom.

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by Iconic Chica Contributors

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What To Get College Besties On Their Birthday

7/14/2017

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Where would be without college besties? Without the people that will always have our back, always share our gossip, and always be there for a pat on the back when we’re just feeling exhausted and stressed and like crying all the time. College besties are the best. So, when it’s their birthday, they deserve to feel the best. How do you make sure that happens?
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A handle on their life
You can’t exactly make someone get on top of their life, especially not in college. But some of the best gifts for people buried under studies and seminars and workshops are those that help them better organize it all. There are plenty of great gadgets to help you survive college. A smart notebook, a charging case, even a Bluetooth Coffee Machine. Help them get through the hectic world of further education and they are going to love you forever.

Something that’s just so them
Of course, not everyone has the money to go buying gadgets for people left, right, and center. For a more budget friendly approach, you should consider something that’s a little more personal. Whether it’s heartfelt or just for kicks, something personalized is like a little celebration of the person themselves. With options like the Likenessme custom bobbleheads, you can give them a little mini-them always there to cheer them on while they’re studying. Whatever you decide to personalize for them, it becomes a gift that’s utterly unique from you to them. They’re likely to treasure it for a long time, after.

Show some gratitude
While some people might want a gift that helps them keep a handle on their life, others would very much like an escape from it instead. If your bestie has been a particularly good friend/movie companion/shoulder to cry on, they deserve some gratitude. So, show it to them with a day of pampering. Take them out for lunch, go wherever they want to go, or even consider a spa day with Groupon deals that you can both share together. It’s definitely going to make for an emotional day when you’re both being so friendsy with one-another.

Something with a bit of you
If you’re really stretching the budget tight, then try not to worry about it so much. Your bestie should know your situation and she shouldn’t expect you to bankrupt yourself for her birthday. But that can work in your favor. If she’s not expecting a gift, then you can really blow her away with something handmade. It can be something as simple as a photo display involving some of the hijinks you’ve both got up to. Or you can make a real project out of it and wow her with a collection of soaks, skin creams, and all sorts of luxury tools.

Remember, your college bestie is very likely far away from home if you’re there to celebrate their birthday with them. They might be feeling emotional, themselves, so being there can be a hugely uplifting thing for them. No matter what you get them, that’s going to matter the most.

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by Iconic Chica Contributors

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Is College The Right Choice For You?

7/10/2017

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As a teen in the USA, one of the big decisions you will have to make is whether to attend college or not. It’s understandable that you may be worried about how you will manage financially, academically and emotionally with the harsh realities of college life. It is not the only option and it’s your future so it is your choice.
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Your reasons for going to college
There are sound financial reasons for getting as many qualifications as you can and the higher those qualifications are the better. Salary statistics are clear. They show that college graduates can expect to earn a higher salary than those who have not attended college. This is because college graduates spend at least three years learning skills that employers value. When they leave college, they can communicate effectively both in a written format and verbally. They can deal with problems in the workplace with an analytical and critical approach and can think ‘outside of the box’.
They often enter the world of work at a managerial or supervisory level and do not have to work their way up from the more basic grades. This puts them on the higher pay scales at a much younger age than non-college graduates.
These skills are not just useful to employers. Once you have them, you are a well-informed and articulate member of society and you are able to interact with those supplying you with services from a position of authority. You are a discerning consumer and are less likely to get scammed and taken advantage of. These skills will also be very useful if you decide to launch your own business.

There will be sacrifices to make
The emotional cost is that you will probably have to leave your family and loved ones and travel to another part of the country to access the course that you want. This can be hard and you may feel homesick, to begin with. However, most students do settle within the first few months.
There will also be academic challenges. Students have to work hard to get the grades that they want. If you are not putting the work in, you will not get the grades and you will be asked to leave the course. Your friends who did not go to college but who started work immediately may appear to have more money and more spare time at this point in your life.
There is also a financial cost and you will have to find a way of financing your education. You can apply for a college scholarship from Capital Alliance where you can be granted up to $1000 to use towards your higher education expenses. You can also apply for student loans and you could get a part-time job.

A valuable life experience
Viewed in purely financial terms, college may not be the best option for you. However, life is about a lot more than money.
You get the freedom of not having to listen to your folks and you get to make your own life choices. This allows you to mature as an individual before you have to enter the world of work.

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​By Iconic Chica Contributors
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