Regardless of whether you have already spent some time between the sheets, or you're waiting for the perfect moment - or marriage, sex is a very important factor in any relationship. Not because it's required or needs to happen at least once a day, but because you need to know and understand each other likes, dislikes, and boundaries in order to be what each other needs, wants, and of course desires, while both being on the same page of engaging in what should be a consensual act of love, or a pleasurable experience, or both. The amount of sex you have really just depends on both individuals involved. Some may want to feel that kind of affection every day, while others may only seek it once a week - this is why having the conversation with one another pretty early on in the relationship is really important. But not only that, it should be spoken about often too, as you need to remember that people's sexual desires change and evolve over time, so you should both know where each other is at. The more of an understanding you have in this department, the sooner you can figure out if it matches with you, as well as being an all-round better lover.
One of the worst, and yet most common thing that can happen in a relationship without any malicious intentions, is getting sick of eachother. This isn't really anyone's fault, it's just something that can happen if you spend every single waking moment with your other half. Take music for example. Did ever have that favourite song that would give you chills when you listened to it because it was so good? But then you listened to it on repeat every day for six weeks, soon coming to the conclusion that it now gets unnerving - even listening to the first four bars makes you want to scream. Well, it's the same idea. Spending too much time together will sooner or later make you feel claustrophobic, like you can't breathe and just wish they'd disappear for a while so you can get your life back. The trick here is to give one another that much-needed space so that you never get a chance to feel this way. Even if you don't necessarily feel like you need it yet - do it anyway. It's important to remind yourself, and each other, that regardless of how much in love you are, you still have your own identity. You're still an individual, just an individual with a partner. So never lose sense of yourself. You can still be a rocking power couple that utilises their own independence too, rather than being defined by your neediness.
As the world we live in is rather modern in its ways now, it isn't odd to move in with one another before marriage is even on the cards, which is why you should bring this topic into conversation so you have an idea as to whether this is something they see themselves doing, or whether they prefer to stay in their current residence alone for a good few years yet. While many people may disagree, there doesn't really seem to be a perfect time to move in. There isn't a big eureka moment that you'll have, it's just something that gets decided whenever you are both ready. Never push it onto your partner though just because you may be ready. That isn't fair, and they may agree in order to please you, but not enjoy being in a new environment together permanently, and the last thing you want is for them to resent you. There are plenty of advantages and possible disadvantages to living together. On one hand, you get to come home to one another every day, you don't have to make plans around your schedule to see one another, and you get kisses and cuddles on tap. But on the other hand, you have to share everything. The bedroom, the storage space, the bathroom, the sofa, the food, and the tv remote. You may also find out their bad habits, like leaving the toilet seat up, or their dirty clothes in the middle of the floor, or the dirty dishes in the sink. Oh, the joy.
You may have been told that you should never discuss marriage with a new love interest because it will only scare them off or make you seem crazy as it's pretty early on, but if you're a serious couple, then speaking about marriage is important! You need to know - or at least have an idea - if marriage is something that your partner sees themselves doing later down the line so that you are able to feel secure in the relationship, rather than it feeling one-sided. Of course, you may get quite a bit of hesitation back in the beginning - this is normal, it's a big thing to bring up. You may sense your other half tense up or not want to respond right away, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It most likely means that they're thinking. When you think of marriage, you immediately jump years ahead and envision you both as an old married couple who have been together forever. - This can be quite an overwhelming idea, so give them time to process it. Don't assume it's not what they want because they didn't give you an answer straight away. Leave it with them. You may not hear anything about it again that day, or week, or even month, but you've planted the seed, and it'll be going over in their mind. If you don't get the answer you were hoping for, then, unfortunately, they might not be the one for you.
Knowing your partner's views on the idea of one day having children is essential for many different reasons. For some, their whole purpose in life is to start a family of their own and carry on the generation, and if you've been together for years, only for them to now realise you had no intention on starting a family, is a devastating thing. By that time you would have already fallen in love, and you are now left with an ultimatum that one of you is either going to have to give in and do something they really don't want to do (which is NOT a good idea!), or come to the realisation that it will never work, and no matter how sad that may be, you can't live a lie just to stay with someone. But all of this heartache can be avoided by having this conversation early on. Of course, feelings change, and while you may not want to have children now, that doesn't mean you won't change your mind in a few years when you're that little bit older and hopelessly in love, but having a starting point of understanding is key.
4/4/2018 05:11:47 am
Esto es real. Gracias por tus escritos tan maravillosos. Me ayudan mucho. Love this.
Leave a Reply.